I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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