I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I didn't shave. On purpose
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
