Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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