Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize