Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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