I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
