Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize