Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
