I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
