Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
