i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
