shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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