Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
