every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
