I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
