We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize