I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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