but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
