is your mom at the bar?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
