Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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