all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
