he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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