Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
