I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
