Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
