Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
