if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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