sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Less talking, more tequila
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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