i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
