i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
