college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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