At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
