So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
