i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
