im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize