he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
