She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
