we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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