Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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