party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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