I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
