Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
