when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
