Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
