I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just want to make out with him forever
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
