i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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