Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
