Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
