Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Drunk is a universal language darling
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
