brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
