just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
