So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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