Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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