The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
