you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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