Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
