you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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