I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
