textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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