Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
