I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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