Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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