Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
