Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
