Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
