i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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