I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
