Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
