I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
