I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
