i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize