glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
