If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize