I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
