dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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