new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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